why the fuck am i so suicidal?... does it mean that Im a madman???? does it mean Im sick?? i don't know.. I have never met a person like me.... maybe because they're all locked away in those damn mental hospitals so they dont kill themselves...so they can be fixed like robots, phycologists fix them and send them out into the world to find more crazy people...
so they can learn to be normal... like all those people with such perfect lives...was this how edgar thought?? they called him insane because of the things he wrote... but I wrote things like that long before I discovered my self destructive side...Im just ranting on about how my life sucks as usual... but everytime I get depressed... or I feel like my life is a vortex of misery and hate... I think of a new way to kill myself...hanged, some man I paid to kill me in my sleep, slipping off a cliff, jumping off a building, faking my death and then dying slowly in a freezer and if that didnt kill me then the "cutting out" of my brain surely would... I am phycotic.. I am mental, I do have underage deppression, but do you think my mom , even if she did know what I thought, would help me??? NO she wouldnt so im on my own to suffer in this world as I am... no nurses to keep me from slitting my wrists again, no mother figure to keep me sane and know what im going through... just me facing the cold black world as it is... hell somones gotta do it...